Global Warming to Kill Millions

In a surprise turn of events global warming will kill millions of people in Houston on Friday, December 4, 2009. The forecast calls for a 40% chance of snow. Millions will die.

Houston, has not stocked up on enough eggs, milk, and cloths pins to weather such a storm caused by global warming. Houstonites who actually figure out how to light the pilot light on their furnaces will die due to the lack of weird useless supplies that typically disappear in such storms in the north east.

Because of global warming most people in the great Houston area don't own coats, and will sufer death by exposure to the elements. Global warming is a problem since this is one of the coldest years on record in the last 100 years. Houston Fire Department public information officer James Knitwit says, "We will be putting firefighters on alert to handle the extra casualties due to folks getting their tongues stuck to flag poles after being lulled in the the Christmas sprit by the famous movie The Christmas Story."

Knitwit goes on to acknowledge, "We do anticipate millions of car accidents due to the fact no one has ever seen snow, and most in Houston don't know how to drive in it. Our firefighters will not be leaving the firehouse for calls due to the lack of appropriate snow driving courses for our crews. People need to get a hold of this global warming issue before Houston is wiped off the map due to the snow."

Other supplies that Houston doesn't have that will cause millions to die due to global warming is the lack of snow plows, socks, bubble gum, shovels, directions for the shovels, ice scrapers, and dental floss. A federal disaster area is expected to be declared by Governor Rick Perry later this week. Clearing the way for folks to be rounded up in FEMA camps by the UN.